The Great Lizard Race

The Great Lizard Race is on!

And I am possibly the most delighted spectator.

The participants in this race are mostly little lizards.  Some of them are so small, they could barely have started walking much less racing!

About once a year this strange event occurs and I only have to take a few steps to observe. 

It takes place right across our front walkway.

I discovered it by accident, because the race has turned our front path into an obstacle course for

humans. 

There is no warning, no way to anticipate when and where the next little lizard will exit as it

darts out of the grass, across the walk and toward my house.

Their instructions, it would appear, are just to run, so that is what they do.

Curiously, each one always making the dash in the same direction.

I can see no cause, no reason to make sense of this madness.

No great predator to bring about such a reaction.

No rewards handed out at the end.

Just the run.

It makes no sense at all that I can see.

If I could get to their level, maybe then it would make sense to me.

If I could somehow see their situation eye to eye? 

Perhaps it is that my view of their situation is too large? 

Or maybe they run like they do because their view is so limited?

Sometimes I run through life that way, looking at my own situation with my perspective limited to

the only way I understand things.

The way I think things should be.

As if my perspective of a situation is the only one that matters.

Lord… help me remember that my view of things?

It is just the smallest part of the world that you see.

There are many people, many situations.

Many needs.

Help me not to be so wrapped up in my own views, opinions, needs and wants, my own fears and disappointments that I miss opportunities to help those You have placed in my path.

Help me avoid conclusions about someone else’s pain based on my experiences or from the small world of knowledge within which I move.

Help me remember that I am only a part of your huge plan.

However… I am a part.

And no part in your story is too small to you.

When my life starts to look like a lizard in a great race, remind me that I have a Guide.

Help me remember that you know everything about me and about this race that I run.

Help me look to you and Your Word for direction.

Help me refocus what I am doing.

Eyes off me… Eyes on You and eyes on the needs of others.

If I am running just to keep up with a crowd, even if the crowd is a good crowd, show me my wrong motives and help me change direction.

If I need to slow the pace down, show me that too.

But if I need to run like the wind?

Your grace? Your nearness?  Please.

______________________________

Psalm 105:4

Seek, inquire of and for the Lord, and crave Him and His strength (His might and inflexibility to temptation); seek and require His face and His presence (continually) evermore.

Seek and require His face and His presence... 

_______________________________

When God gives a task, don't worry if the task seems small or unnecessary.

Just be certain that He is the one directing your steps.

On Seasons and Goings

This …

This is a time for babies coming in our family.  We all breathed sighs of relief and shared feelings of joy as we welcomed a new little girl into this crazy bunch just last week.

And some time in the near future we will welcome another little one!  Whether this one will be a girl or a boy will be a surprise to us, but we will be delighted to celebrate either way… because we are thankful for each one.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

a time to be born…”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 (ESV)

This is an exciting time for us all as we are welcoming Great Grandchild #20 and #21 into this world.

The counting of the great grandchildren is something that Bud’s dad started years ago. There are times when the names seem secondary.  He told us that he wanted 20 great grandchildren; and so the counting began…

At that time, the goal was years away. 

Now it is a reality. 

Time flies.

Babies grow up and move on… and out.

As if to prove that point, in my family, this season is also the time of moving out.  Two nieces of mine are starting college out of town right after finishing high school no less! 

(Aren’t they supposed to wait until their 70’s to do that?)

Time flies.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”

This is what’s on my heart as I am watching so many moms saying their good byes to their children.

 

But they aren't children, are they?

Well, how can they not be? 

Wasn’t it just yesterday you were teaching them how to tie their shoes, 

and they just weren’t getting it? 

How are you supposed to just transition into letting them leave? 

To be on their own? 

To find their way in this crazy world that just seems to be getting crazier?

This reminded me of that time when my own first born was about to finish school and I was already visualizing the moving out time to come. 

This child, the one I apologized to for the mistakes I would most certainly make, before we had even walked away from the hospital with her all bundled up in pink and smelling like baby powder on that evening in November.  I remember as if it was yesterday how the first stop we made was at a good friend’s house, where I delicately handed the pink bundle into her arms and timidly begged, “Tell me what to do now”. 

Apron strings? 

They aren’t meant to be cut.  They have to be tenderly untied, even while they feel like they are tearing at your very heartstrings.

So I did what I do when I want to work things out in my mind and in my heart.

I wrote.

Your Footsteps

I still remember the first time you stepped out on your own,

So timid, so unsure and for the first time really alone…

Or so you thought

Because in reality, we were right there, arms outstretched and waiting.

Knowing you could do it, but ready just in case you needed us.

Today you take a new kind of step.

Once again, timid and a little unsure and once again, alone…

Or so you think

Because in reality, we are still right here, arms outstretched and waiting.

Knowing you can do it, but ready to give the hugs just in case you need them.

One day you’ll take another step.

The one that takes you far away from our arms, and finds you really alone…

Or so you think.

Because in reality, there are the arms of the Father

Knowing you can make it, but always there to give you all you need.

And when the day comes that you need His loving arms to hold you?

You’ll find in reality, it was His arms all along.

So to all the moms who are facing the moving out days soon?

My thoughts are for you as you watch them take those steps.

The ones that lead away…

I don’t think you ever really stop being there for your children.

Even after they have left.

Because they never leave your heart. 

And the days of coming home?  

Well, that’s a whole other story.

And it’s a good one!

On Being Bald and Stuff

It was the first question I asked…

“Will I lose my hair?”

Not “what side effects can I expect?

How can I best prepare for the side effects?”

Not even “Will this plan work?”

"Will I lose my hair?"

Vanity was not one of my issues...at least I didn’t think so.

But even so, I still wanted to know first if I was going to be bald.

My Beautifully Brilliant Oncologist said yes in no uncertain terms.

                

She even narrowed it down to within a few days of when I could expect it to begin.

                

              And she ended up being right.

              She usually is.

So, while all the doctors started planning my treatment, at the advice of my BB Oncologist, I planned how to get ready to be bald.

A newly made cancer friend said she just cut her hair to 1 inch long all over her head. She told me that she felt by doing this, she had control over how and when her hair came out.  

Bud and I decided we would go that route too. 

For some reason that I cannot remember at all right now, at the time we thought that it would be a good idea to make a video of it.

We set everything up, and I gave a sweet prepared little talk (for the benefit of my adult children) about how I was doing just fine with this whole thing. And I really thought I was.

Until the trimmer touched my head!

I am pretty sure that at that precise moment, fine is not how I looked!!
My scalp was not prepared for that!

The video was turned off.

I was ready to call off the whole thing!

But we decided to give it another try.

The only problem was that I forgot to turn the video camera back on when we started again.

Repeat the sweet speech.

We cut some more.

It hurt again.

We turned the video off (only this time it was actually on) while we figured out what to do.

We did this again and again.  

Each time not taping the pretending to be sweet parts… just the reality.

At the end, when I started to watch the video, we had only taped the sections with me and a patiently sweet husband painfully trying to figure out how to do this thing without it hurting. 

No sweet speeches.

Nothing sweet about it really.

So we deleted it.

And then we laughed about it.

We laughed more than you might think during these hair-free days.

One day we were at a gift shop at Moffitt Cancer Center and the shopkeeper commented on my scarf/turban.  She asked who made it, and I quickly pulled it off to show her the tag.

When I looked up she had this horrified look on her face!

You can guess why...

I put the scarf back on my head (much faster than it had come off) and we all relaxed again.

Besides my husband and daughter, I think she was the only one to see my head completely bald. 

I know that cancer is not a laughing matter, but when you can, it is so helpful to find things that make you laugh.

And believe me when I say…with my husband?  We shared many laughs during this otherwise difficult time!

If you ever hear anyone talking about this guy modelling a scarf for his wife in the waiting room at St. Vincent's, you will understand a little of what I am talking about.  This guy is my favorite.

So that day, the day of the hair cutting, I realized how much I would not have control over the things that were happening... not over how my hair would be lost, or when.  I could not control how my body would respond to treatments.  I did not control any of it.  

I find that out every time I try to control things.

I just can't.  You probably can't either.

But you and I know the One who is in control, and we can certainly trust His Goodness in anything.

In losing my hair, I learned a few things about the benefits of having hair.

For example, I found out that there are a lot of hairs on our head!  When my hair did start coming out, it was in small bundles, but it took a long time for every hair to be completely gone.

That was a lot of hair!!

And God knew that number... although for a short time in my life I knew the number too   :)

I knew that losing hair meant losing what was on top of your head, but it  also meant that sometimes you lose your eyebrows and even your eyelashes!

Eyebrows really define your face... you might not realize how much until they are not there.

I found that eyelashes help keep sand out of your eyes, and that the air seemed to always be sandy. You really notice this sandy air on breezy days or if you are riding in a car with windows open.  

Wearing sunglasses helps.

So does squinting.

We won't talk about what life with no hair in your nose is like :)  You can thank me later for that.

But, losing your hair was a good sign that the chemicals were killing the fast growing cells in your body (which includes cancer cells as well as hair cells) and that is a good thing.  So even no hair could be something to be thankful for.

As always, there is much to be thankful for!  In my journal I recorded things like:

Showers take no time at all!! 

In fact, I could get out of bed and be ready to walk out the door in 10 minutes tops… which is helpful when your energy level is zero.

And the days of shaving were over!!!

Well, for a little while anyway.

When the treatments ended, the hair returned in stages, at about the same rate that it fell out, and was not quite the same when it did make its reappearance!!

It first came in with the smooth fine texture of a baby's!  The color was so purely white that it looked surreal, almost as luminescent as a halo!

Then it stuck out stiff like a dandelion on which a wish is about to be made.

Later, as it grew longer and thicker, and very very wavy, darker hairs started to reappear.

And finally, my favorite silvery strands returned.

Right now it almost exactly resembles my wig...
my wig was something over which I did have control!

Funny how things go.

On Courage

"Courage is found in unlikely places."

J.R.R. Tolkien

What character traits do you admire in a person?

One of mine is courage.

I  am drawn to the stories of people who stand settled in the unsettled places of life.  The places where a firm footing is hard to find and there is often the danger of losing their footing completely as in an undertow, when wave after wave buffets them until they go under.  

These are the ones who don’t stay under.  

They get back up knowing they will face waves again.

These are the people who understand the story in which they are a part; the people who know the plot, and understand that we all have a part in it.  They are ready to step into their role and fulfill all that the Author intended, because they know the Author and are assured of His goodness.

I am drawn to their stories.  

Their stories teach me what trusting God looks like.

In every chapter.

In the beginning of the story, when everything is fresh.  When you can clearly see the hope that is available.

In the middle of the story, when things go awry.  When you wonder if there can even be a happy ending.  Surely not now, not after this.  Not ever. Those places where you wonder how they will make it to the end ... or if they will make it to the end.

And at the end.  When in the midst of all you have been through and all you are facing, you discover a fresh new hope. 

A stronger hope.

An enduring hope. 

When I read their stories, there are some things that surprise me. The most obvious is that most of them never consider themselves brave; they don’t see their actions as courageous.

Many of them come from places of brokenness or timidity. 

They know their own weakness and rely instead on His strength.

Strength that He promised. 

He never lets them down; He is there with them through it all.

Their lives remind me that He will always be there for us as well. 

Deuteronomy 31:6  "Be strong and courageous; don't be terrified or afraid of them. For it is the Lord your God who goes with you; He will not leave you or forsake you."

When you look at their lives, you see a common thread …

a life that trusts God with all of the details, or maybe as they are struggling, only most of the details,

and at times it might even be just one.  

But that one is that this God who loves them is a good God.

Their desire is that they live each day surrendered to the One who loves them, the one who loves us more than any of us can ever deserve!

These are some of the women I am talking about. 

You probably know them as well.  

Gladys Aylward 

(single missionary to China; rescuer guide to 100 children; expert storyteller)

 “Here I was worrying about my journey, while God was helping me all the way.  It made me realize that I am very weak; my courage is only borrowed from Him, but, oh, the peace that flooded my soul … because I know that He never faileth. I would not if I could, turn back now, because I believe that God is going to reveal Himself in a wonderful way.” 

Corrie Ten Boom

 (concentration camp survivor and conduit of God’s love and forgiveness)

"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer."

Joni  Earickson Tada 

(someone who faces unimaginable pain and hard things depending on the Sovereign One)

"He has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me. The more intense the pain, the closer His embrace"

There are many others.

While these women are all obviously courageous, even facing difficulty with grace, I noticed something else that they all share.

They have opened their lives to us.  The ups and downs, the good and the bad, the sweet and the bitter.

I also see that in women who are not as well-known.

The woman who taught a Sunday School class on the topic of depression, sharing her own battle and struggles at a time when not many admitted their struggles in this area.

The author who wrote from the safety of an isolated place, but found herself in the limelight.  In her willingness to be vulnerable with her struggles, she has taught many about the goodness of God.

There was also the mother who, facing her own death, did not withdraw into the privacy of her family and home, but continued to share her life with us, teaching us what a life that is held by Jesus looks like at the good-bye.

Then those women that we do know - the brave women who move in our own circles.  

The one who gets up each morning and keeps going, despite facing physical pain or that one who is experiencing great personal loss.  

The woman who knows suffering herself.  And the one who loves and cares for someone who does. 

The woman who can make us smile even while they deal with hardships that most could never imagine. 

The woman facing the unknown each day, with no end in sight to her problems. 

The ones who always have a kind word to encourage or a forgiving word that helps heal.

Their lives are a gift to us.  As much as their pain breaks our hearts, it is a blessing to be allowed close to someone who is suffering. 

It will be Jesus that you will be drawn to as you are around them, but you may not realize it at the time.

While their wisest words and actions may only come after a lifetime of trusting God, you can know that when their reliance is on God …  you'd better hang on. 

Stay close. 

You will learn from them.

There will be much wisdom.

Thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, that he is our Father and the source of all mercy and comfort. For he gives us comfort in our trials so that we in turn may be able to give the same sort of strong sympathy to others in theirs. Indeed, experience shows that the more we share Christ’s suffering the more we are able to give of his encouragement. This means that if we experience trouble we can pass on to you comfort and spiritual help; for if we ourselves have been comforted we know how to encourage you to endure patiently the same sort of troubles that we have ourselves endured. We are quite confident that if you have to suffer troubles as we have done, then, like us, you will find the comfort and encouragement of God.

II Corinthians 1:3-7 (J.B. Phillips translation)

_________________________

What about you?  Who are the people God has used to teach you more about Him through their examples of courage?

_________________________

And my personal favorite?

Ruth Bell Graham.  

Sharing her husband with the world, literally, she has faithfully pointed her children to Jesus and allowed us all to see them live life in strength and weakness, depending constantly on His nearness.

She once wrote:     “My business address? Wherever He puts me...  But He is my home.”