On Looking Back

Hindsight is 20/20, it has been said...

often after someone has admitted a huge mistake.

It is a lot easier to see where you went wrong after the fact.

Looking back can also help you see some good things.

Some things that are seen more clearly when you look at them backwards.

The different view may also provide a new understanding.

We see things that we missed when we were walking through the situation.

We may even see where we missed God's involvement in our life at the time.

Like fingerprints on a wall give us a clue that a certain toddler was there.

God does not sit idly by while we struggle here.

He is involved in the details of our lives and if we look for Him, we can see Him;
present and active in our lives.

Looking back helps us to see how God has moved in our lives.

But when things are hard?

It is often easier to see only the hard when we look ahead.

Things tempt us to face the unknown days in fear instead of faith.

We stand in our hard, and can't imagine that it won't always be this way. 

Or we find it hard to believe that He cares enough to be involved in our little struggles
when there is so much pain in this world.

But then...

Then from the past, a perfect scripture verse that reminds us how very much He does care.

Or the song that meant so much to us in days past.

And encourages even more in this day.

And we see firsthand that His Grace is sufficient.

It's almost as if a light came on, and we just know...
He was there with us.
He loves us.
He cares.

But IN the hard, it can be almost impossible to see that there will be good.

I found a post in my gratitude journal dated October 2011.

It simply said, "I never imagined things could be so sweet."

I wonder why not?

What was lacking in my imagination that could keep me from imagining things could be sweeter?

I wrote that in 2011 at the start of my gratitude journal.

This place where I record those fingerprints of God's presence in my life.

There have been small things and there have been big,
but keeping this list into my sixth year now,
what I notice most is that they are constant.

They point always to the love of a good God.
To His grace that is unending and undeserved.

Now, here I was in 2015 having learned some things since 2011.

We had no idea when I wrote those words in 2011

that we would face the things we faced in the next few years.

So in 2015, I wrote:

"How time has shown me that all our imaginings fall so short!  

I have now seen what "sweet" really looks like! 

After accidents, diagnoses, surgeries and treatments.  

After casts and slings and bald heads. 

How could I in those days even begin to know the sweet I know now?"

And you know what?

I imagine that I haven't seen anything yet.

My imagination is growing to be a better informed imagination;
able to anticipate His grace in my hard instead of feeling dread.

Reminding myself just who it is that is walking with me, and continuing to trust Him.

Taking each day ... each step ... one at a time.

Just a result of expecting Him to show up.
Looking for Him

And one day as we live day to day expecting Him to work in our lives,
we will see it.

The result will be something marvelous. 

Most likely, something you never imagined.

************

A Gratitude Journal...

Kind of like a bound version of an Ebenezer Stone.

"Hitherto hath the Lord helped us" 

************
My 100
A list of 100 things I wrote at one time... right in the middle of 2011 and 2015

1) You being my Savior
2) Forgiveness
3) Amazing Sunrises spent at the Ocean

4) Sweet Sunrises spent in my recliner at my living room window (with a grandchild)

5) White African Irises blooming out like crazy
6) Tulip Memories

7) Azaleas Stunning Pink
8) English Blue Moon Roses
9) Blonde Waves on a Little Girl's Head

10) The Twinkle in a Little Boy's Eyes
11) Dimples
12) Moonlight on a Cloudy Evening

13) Glittering Stars on a Clear Night
14) Foamy Tops on Crashing Waves
15) Toes in the Sand

16) Little Fishes at the Edge of the Water
17) Dolphins in the Waterway

18) Cardinals in the Florida Bush
19) Ducks in the Backyard
20) Canadian Geese by the Pond

21) Light Reflecting off a Brass Trombone
22) Creative Clutter
23) Water Views in Front & Back

24) My Sweetheart's Smile
25) Your Mercy
26) E ...
27) I...
28) C...
29)H...

30) A Friendly Voice on the Phone
31) The Play Chat of Grands
32) My Sweetheart's Voice

33) Music that Calms on Stressful Days
34) Praise Music

35) The Sound of Instruments Tuning Up & Anticipation
36) The Soothing Sound of a Flute

37) The Majestic Sound of a French Horn
38) Mathematics in Music
39) Thunder Crashing

40) Loud Crashing Ocean Waves
41) A Newborn's Cooing
42) Laughter

43) A Friend Who Gets You
44) Mellow Sax Music
45) The Hum of a Car Engine that Works

46) Musical Bird Chatter int he Morning
47) An Acoustic Guitar

48) Hymns - Deep Truths in Music
49) The Sound of Someone Praying for Me

50) The Words "I Love You"
51) Your Nearness
52) Your Goodness

53) The Way You Make Beauty out of Broken
54) Your Strength
55) The Smooth Taste of Caramel

56) Fresh Fruit
57) Ice Cream with the Grands
58) A Vegetable Tray that includes Celery

59) Anti-Nausea Meds given with Chemo
60) Psalms
61) Chocolate Cake Celebrations

62) Birthdays
63) Your Promises - Always Kept
64) The Sound of Singing Kids

65) H's future
66) The Hum of a Working Computer
67) Faxes Incoming and Outgoing

68) Email & Texts
69) Chocolate
70) An Early Cup of Coffee Kind of Morning

71) Bacon Cooking Smells
72) The Smell of my Favorite Lotion
73) Fresh Cut Watermelon

74) Chap Stick
75) Ice Cold Tea :)
76) Fuzzy Slippers
77) A Purring Kitten

78) Heaven One Day
79) Kara Tippetts and her Book, The Hardest Peace
80) Grands Hugs

81) Ann Voskamp and her Book, One Thousand Gifts
82) Mentor Women in my Life

83) Our Family
84) A Dry Comfy Place to Live
85) The Soft Fur of a Baby Bunny

86) My Big Wooly Blanket
87) A Warm Shower or Bath

88) Waves Wrapping Around my Feet and Ankles
89) Sitting on my Back Steps at Sundown

90) My Old Mimosa Tree's "Wings"
91) Cozying Up by a Fireplace in Winter

92) Building Snowmen
93) My Jesse Tree Devotions at Christmas
94) Being Able to Homeschool

95) Losing Control and Loving the Freedom
96) Your Magnificence
97) Just This ... It Is Well !!!

98) Eucharisteo

99) Psalm 27:13,14 - I Will See the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living!

100) Psalm 73:28 - The Nearness of God IS My Good!!!

On Fear and Snakes

On a recent trip to the zoo, I watched a rattlesnake and a tortoise who shared an enclosure.

The tortoise decided that he wanted to move into a nearby hollow log.
The snake was in the way.
And the tortoise stepped on the snake.

The snake coiled up ready to strike.

But it never did.

It rattled its rattles,
but stopped short of actually striking the tortoise.

Perhaps it had learned that it hurt too much to attack a tortoise.

He flexed his fangs for a bit, as if remembering a recent battle.

The tortoise just continued on, oblivious to the threat.

_____________

Locked in an intense battle,

One we could not afford to lose

But one that we could not win on our own.

We called for help

And he showed up, taking on our battle as if it was his own.

With his help, we defeated the enemy, and our reason for fear was gone.

________________

So, if the reason was gone... why was I still fearful?

________________

Ever been there?  

No matter how much they say not to be afraid?

That place where fear has moved in and taken up residence?

There are good fears...
As children we were all taught to avoid a hot stove for fear of being burned.
Good fear.
We were taught to look both ways before crossing a street.
Good fear.

The kind of fear that I am talking about does not serve a useful purpose. 

This kind of fear just drains your joy.  And your peace.

When we were only a few years into our married life, 

we planted our roots and our cute little mobile home 

in a small mobile home park.

Those were our early married years before children, and our little home was perfect for us.

We were actually three at the time, because we had a dog.  

His name was Samson in the hope that just shouting, “Go get them Samson!” 

might deter any would-be-bad-guys from trying to break in!

Sweet Samson.

He could never have been a real threat to any bad guys because he was just a little thing! 

All white except for two little black marks on his nose that made his nose look like a heart.  

And anyway, he was afraid of his own reflection!
Scared himself silly when he accidentally walked up on a mirror one day.

In those days, we lived close enough to where Bud worked that he was able to come home for lunch.  

One day as he was walking up to the door,  I let Samson go out to greet him. 

At the steps, Bud looked at me and said, "Get Samson back in the house!".

I called the little pup in and he bounced back up the steps as quickly as he had run out.

I looked down at the ground to see what the concern was all about.

It did not take long to recognize the markings. 

That was a diamond back rattlesnake.

And it was lying right next to our front doorstep.

There was nothing handy to use to fight the snake at that moment.
So the snake shook his rattle for a few seconds and then made its escape

... underneath our little home...

and we began the task of getting it out.

And moving it far far away. 

As in forever away.

We asked out park owner to come and help.
He was the only one we knew with the right equipment to rid us of the snake.

The whole thing took up most of the afternoon, but when it was over there was no longer any reason to be afraid of that snake.

Seriously, the snake was gone and would not be returning.

Ever.

Just the same, fear had moved in, settled down and made itself comfy. 

And now fear did not want to leave.  

"What if" was the question of the day, of the year!

It was a long time before I could just walk out of that front door without wondering...
Is there another one?  Another snake?

 I would open the door slowly and look all around before stepping outside of the door.
Just unsure about what was waiting for me.

I felt as if my fear gave me some kind of control to keep bad from happening...

Fear can't keep you safe.

One day there was another snake.

It was right next to the same steps by our same front door.

It all happened just the same.

Only this time, the snake was not a dangerous kind.

Unfortunately for the snake, I did not know that.

This little event shook me and my faith.  Where was God when I needed Him?
Why couldn't He keep snakes away for good?

Why couldn't I just have a safe life?

A safe life became an idol of sorts.
I longed for that kind of life.

The life where everything settled into a beautiful place.

I was certain at that time that if I did not have safe, then I would break.

But God...
Time and again He showed me that hard was not going to break me.

Because time and again I did not break.

But it was not because of me. It was not my strength.  I have none.  

It was because He was holding me through it all. 

And I grew closer to Him in it all.

He isn't letting go. 

The things I fear, the unknown things that keep me awake at night?

They can not keep their false promise to destroy me.

Because God keeps His promise to be near.

His nearness is the only good thing I can depend on.

And when fear starts to creep in, I am learning to ask myself this question.

Even if - what then?

Even if the worst thing happens... what then?  

Even if I lose everything?   I will never be forsaken.  

Even if I fall apart?   He will hold me together.

Even if I break... 

He will put me back together in a more beautiful way than I could ever imagine.

I can't say that if you trust God, bad things wont happen.  They will  happen.  

But we don't have to fear them.

A safe life, one without trouble, is not our good.  No matter how good it may look.

His nearness is our good.

Sometimes things like the snake that "was" make me worry about a possible snake that "is".

Something bad happens, and fear takes hold.  Fear doesn't let go easily.

I worry that some little "is" might still be lurking around just waiting to make an appearance.

I can't live my life in fear of "is".  

So, even if... what then?

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.  

I'm absolutely convinced that nothing-
nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, 
thinkable or unthinkable- 
absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love 
because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Romans 8-the Message

We don't know what tomorrow holds
or even what may be waiting when we take that next step out our front door.

But He does, and His grace will supply every need...even if.

We just can't let fear win this.

________________

Locked in an intense battle,

One we could not afford to lose

But one that we could not win on our own.

We called for help

And He showed up, taking on our battle as if it was His own.

He defeated the enemy, and our cause for fear was gone.

__________________

Even when walking through the dark valley of death I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me,
guarding, guiding all the way. 
Psalm 23:4 (TLB)
__________________

On Being the Treasure Keeper

Instead of a normal Sunday School lesson, 

the 6th Grade Girls Department chose to do something different. 

The whole department gathered together in one large room. 

Moms and their girls were invited to be our special guests that day.

There was food with some surprise treats,

 and a different kind of lesson.

The theme for the day was Mothers and Daughters.  

A dear sweet woman spoke as the proud and excited mother of a brand new baby girl.  

and I spoke as the humble and proud mother of a grown daughter. 

The section that follows was my part of the lesson from that Mother's Day, 12 years ago:

**************

Being a mom is a blessing.  
Being the mother of a daughter is a treasure box full of blessings.

My daughter is not a little girl any more, but a 25 year old young woman;
and still the best girlfriend I've ever had!

I asked her to think of the things we had done over the years, 
and to come up with one thing that meant the most to her.

Her answer surprised me.  
It wasn't that I had helped her memorize scripture.  
It wasn't that we brought her up in church ... or the prayers we'd prayed with her and for her.  
It wasn't the ballet lessons or bread baking or Jane Austen movies.  
It wasn't even homeschooling!  

Her one meaningful thing was that I'd kept the "treasures" she'd given me as a child.

So, yesterday, I got out that treasure box, to look through these things that were so important to her. 

One thing for sure, these items wouldn't be the highest priced things to ever sell on Ebay!

First to get my attention was Waldo.  
probably because of the warning note inside on the top of my treasure chest: 
"Warning - Waldo lives in here now".  

A side note here...Waldo is a rubber roach that made lots of memories for our family.  We would take turns hiding him from each other.  When he was found, whoever found him was the person who would hide him next.  From the top of the refrigerator door (so he would drop down and scare the starving unsuspecting victim as they opened the fridge) to my own pocket where he showed up one afternoon since I had put him there for safe keeping...only to forget he was there. 

 I may have jumped. Quite high - I was younger then.

Having a daughter in your life is fun! Like the shoe switch she pulled off in my closet.  
One of the girls on the Middle School elevator asked, 
"Are you wearing different colored shoes?"  

When she was in school, one of her teachers said, "You must laugh a lot at your house."  

We did!
We still do.

Second was the item she had specifically mentioned to me when we talked.  
The heart shaped leaf. Really, it is a leaf that was not formed the way most leaves are.  
Some might say it is deformed, but she saw a beautiful piece of God's handiwork 
so we framed it.

She is still like that... seeing beauty where most people only see broken.  

The kind of tenderness that is pictured by the word, "mother".  

Or even as a reflection of the compassion of God Himself.

Speaking of reflecting God...

That is God's plan for us after all.

John Piper says that God does not exist to make much of us, but that we exist to make much of Him.

Max Lucado puts this thought this way, "the moon is our example".

He talks about all the beauty that the moon brings into our life, how moonlit landscapes carry such beauty, and moonlight can bring even romance.

But, as he says, the harvest moon does not shine on by itself.  
It is just a really big rock.

Yet the moon never complains about its purpose in life. 

It just reflects the sun's light and we are better for it.

We could even say we are alive because of it.

We have a great responsibility and honor 
as mothers of daughters (as well as sons) 
to be a reflection of God, 
because as we focus on Him, He changes us.

Then, as they look to us, hopefully they will pick up His reflections 
until they learn to focus their eyes on Him 
for themselves.  

II Corinthians 3:18 tells us, "Beholding in a glass (like a mirror) the glory of the Lord, we are changed into the same image from glory to glory even as by the Spirit of the Lord"

(At this point, I used an object lesson with a flashlight and some mirrors.  I asked a mom to come up and hold the flashlight.  She represented God.  Another mom came to hold a mirror, and we reflected the flashlight's light into the mirror.  Then I had a middle school girl come to hold another mirror.  She reflected the light from the mother's mirror as an example of a mother's influence in the lives of her daughters.)

Today, think about all of the treasure box blessings that have come into your life 
because you have a daughter 
or because you are a daughter...

Tell you moms how thankful you are for the blessings you have shared together!

Happy Mother's Day precious girls!

************

Just a quick note here - 

Please don't think my son is left out. Remember the lesson was for daughters of daughters!

Here are some of his additions to the treasures in the box.

Update on the box:

I re-used an old wooden purse that I had decoupaged many years before as a my treasure box.

 I had became inundated with small gifts that I did not want to lose, 
and decided that it would be the perfect box for these treasures from my children.
School fair prize rings, poems, church gifts, and other little trinkets.
It soon filled.
And was put away.

Until the grandchildren came along, 
and I found out they loved sitting on the floor and going through these things with me.

And there were new laughs... laughing at the things their mom and uncle had done!

Of course, that meant that Waldo started to show up again...outside of his box.

I now have a new box...a grandma's treasure box.

And Waldo will be staying there.
Complete with his warning note.

(But please, don't tell Bud!!)


************

While the Bible says that the stars sing, it never says the moon laments.
There is something there to ponder...

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Want to sing with some stars and whales?
Louie Giglio with a different kind of soundtrack to How Great is Our God!