When We Face the Unexplainable

The best stories, the ones I go back to read again, are the ones that finish well.

And by that, I mean the ones with a happily ever after kind of ending.

But right now?  In this world?  These days?

Every time I watch the news I see how chilling the world we live in can be.
My heart is moved for people that I don't know anything about ...
except to know that they are facing horrible suffering.
Horrible gut wrenching suffering.

And the people that I do know are not exempt from pain either.

We may wonder, why does God allow it?

Where is God while this is happening?

Sometimes, if I'm honest about it, I feel like I could use an answer.
That it might make me feel better.

A specific answer.

Something to help take away the bewilderment that so often comes with great sorrow.

Something to explain  the horrible disease, the great shock of betrayal or the numbing of loss.

We face the unexplainable and feel helpless.
Because we are helpless.

We can't fix it.

We can't eliminate suffering.

and
We can’t answer the question why, because we are not God.

We are not God.

There was that night I heard a father ask no one in particular “Who did this”
while his daughter faced an outcome that was not good.

As if to answer his own question, he pointed his finger straight up towards Heaven.

His spirit and his heart were broken.

They were crushed, and he spoke from a place of great sorrow.

Sorrow like I have never known.

His mother, the child’s grandmother, did not offer an answer to his question, but gently said, 

“You can’t blame God for this.  You know He didn’t do it.” 

The father replied, out of His brokenness, 

“But He could have stopped it and He didn’t.”

If good results points to a good God, what does pain say about God?

About His ability?

About His love for us or His goodness to us all?


The truth is, we live in a fallen world.

Nothing is as God created it to be.

In reality, He could have turned His back on us.
But He did not.

These hard things do not change who God is.
They do not take away from His goodness.

This mother speaking from her own place of brokenness wrote words to share with us that
suffering does not mean the absence of God.

She also shared something else that resonates with me... that our good?

It is found only in His nearness.

This time of year, as Christmas approaches, this truth takes on a new depth.
As I think about the fact that my good is found only in His nearness.

That nearness is only possible because
 He was the one who took the first step.

He came to be with us.
To be near.

That question "where"?

Where is God when I am hurting?

Where is God in this situation?

He is here.

Immanuel.

God.

With me.
With you.

And He is grieving with us.

He carries our burdens.
And He comforts us in our sorrow.

This time of year, He reveals it quietly to us.

In the presence of a baby.

But not just any baby.

All the holiness and majesty of our good God wrapped in the skin of a newborn.

The eternal God with a birthday.

He came to us because He wanted to be with us.

We may never know why there is hard in our life and the lives of others.

But us not knowing why does not make God any less God.

Not one little bit.

Christmas reminds us.

The real meaning, the answer, to all of our questions is wrapped up in that little baby.

_________________________

I hope that in your own search for meaning to your pain,
that you do not point fingers at God,
but instead, turn your face toward Him and seek His nearness.

Christmas helps us to see that His great desire is to be with us!
To be near to us.

You may be like me and dream of stories with good endings.

God has promised to those who follow Him that a happy ending is coming one day.

That the God who came to us will come for us.

But until that happens?

We can find peace in knowing there is also a great story being written for us now,
even when the ending we hope for goes unrealized.

Because God is the writer of our story, and He is also the One who does all things well.

This includes your story.

Open your heart, your hands to Him and say with so many who have gone before you,

In my story God?
Your will is what I long for, and I trust my story to Your pen.

And then, seek His nearness.

  

He has already taken the first step.

_________________________

The Lord is near to the broken hearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

_________________________


"Hope is Alive"
Ellie Holcomb

On Why I Keep this List

I have been an occasional list maker in my life, but this one has been different.

Most lists have a purpose to accomplish, and then I discard them.

This one has been ongoing for several years now, and I don't think its purpose will ever be completed until I stand in Heaven one day!

It is the list that I have been writing of things for which I am thankful to God.

This particular list got its start in 2011, but it is not the first time I have written out a gratitude list.

I was able to grow up under the teaching of a preacher who loved to encourage those in our church to be thankful people.

********

Colossians 2:6-7 (HCSB)

Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him rooted and built up in Him, and established in the faith, just as you were taught, 

overflowing with gratitude.

********

Thankfulness was one of the frequent themes in his teaching, and he would often encourage us all to make thankfulness a part of our life.

He actually challenged us to do that...
sometimes by suggesting that we write down 100 things that we were thankful for.

So, this idea of writing out things to be thankful for was something I was well acquainted with.

Then I read a book that took the idea of a gratitude list to new levels. 

Levels that changed me.

********

The book was called One Thousand Gifts.

I first learned about it when I saw a trailer for the book. 

It was made by the author.

Her voice and her words captivated me. 

Her message brought tears.

In the book, the writer Ann Voskamp, wrote about a challenge 

given to her by a friend  

and how that challenge brought about the results that changed her own life. 

The challenge was to write down 1000 things that she loved.

********  

Think just a moment about the things in your life that you love.
People? Memories? Every day simple happenings? Nature's wonder? God's work in your life?

Just look at a few of those and you will probably come to the same conclusion that she did.
All of these things you love are gifts.
Gifts from a God who loves you in unmeasurable ways.

How do you respond to a God who loves extravagantly like that?
With a heart full of thanksgiving of course!

But think about doing this and then take it one step further.
Count all the ways He loves you by keeping a list of those gifts.

It was the perfect time for me to make this simple activity a part of my life.

First, I had an empty journal that would be perfect to use. My daughter had given it to me the year before, and I had not found a use for it yet. I was saving it because it was so pretty, and I wanted to have only lovely thoughts to fill it.

This list would serve a great purpose for that journal.

Second, our church had given several challenges for the start of the new year.  One of the suggestions was to write down one thing a day that you were thankful for.

The third thing was that at this time in my life, we had a lot of things we were dealing with.  I was searching to make sense of all the pain, and where God was in all of it.

I wondered why at this time in my life when I needed Him so much, it seemed that He was nowhere near.

And then came the idea to do this list?  It certainly felt like the perfect thing for me to do at that time, so I took the journal out of the drawer and started thinking about what I should write first.

I mean, this first thing?  It had to be perfect, right?
(Oh how God has showered grace on this perfectionist since I started counting His gifts!)

Soon after I took out my empty journal,  I was driving on my way to the grocers and looked up briefly at a huge black bird that was perched on a light post.  Just as I drove under it, the bird spread his wings out, and God just gave me a sense of peace just knowing that He would keep me through all that was happening... safe under His wings.

And I felt that I had the perfect start for my journal.

It was my #1:
"A big black bird sitting on a lamp post.  As I drove under him, he spread out his beautiful wings... and God spoke peace to my heart.  I will take refuge under the shelter of Your wings."  

Right from that start there was so much excitement and joy in keeping this list.  I started to notice all kinds of things going on around me.  It was almost like waking up to all that was and already had been going on every day in my life... but I had missed it.

#42 berries on a winter bush
#104 hugs
#271 baby toads as seen through the delighted eyes of the kids :)

I reached the goal I had set of recording 1000 gifts during 2011.

As I approached the 1000th gift, I knew this was not going to stop.

So I continued into 2012.

#1,278 cool spring mornings
#1,279 sneezing
#1,280 sneezing stopped

Besides becoming more aware of things He was doing in my life and in the world around me, something else happened. My understanding of His goodness grew, and my trust in His sovereign will also became a more certain thing.

#1,382 deep thoughts - on deep grace
#1,431 for words to speak my heart to You...even when they don't form in my mouth

I knew that no matter what kind of things I might face in life, the God that I served was a GOOD God, and He loved me more than I could ever imagine.
He loved me much more than I could ever deserve.

My relationship with Jesus became increasingly very real... and personal.

My love for Him grew by leaps.

 And then...

Near the end of 2012, my husband was in a terrible accident.
He walked away from it, but we were faced with a long list of unknowns at the time.

#1841-  praising You now for how You will walk through the unknown that is ahead of us.
#1844-  for seat belts and air bags that worked
#1845-  for Your invisible protection that surpasses seat belts and air bags!

Just seven months after the accident, in July of 2013, while we were in the middle of discussions about surgery to repair his collarbone, I discovered a lump under my arm.

Tests followed.  And then a biopsy.  While we waited on results, the list continued.

#2,688- for laughter in hard times
#2,732- that only when we are weak, but also certainly when we are weak, YOU are our strength!
#2,746 - 2,758 - these are the items in the picture you see of His promises at the top of this blog.

We found out I did indeed have cancer.
2013 ended with treatments and baldness.  2014 started with a calendar filled with doctor appointments and planned surgeries for both of us; chemo treatments and radiation for me.  It was a full calendar of not so fun things.

And we learned this... facing hard things in life does not mean He is not near or that He is not good.

Even when what is going on around us does not look very good.

We were more convinced than ever that He loved us more than we can begin to imagine; and so much more than we will ever deserve.

And we know more than ever that His grace will always be there to meet us in our need.

Always.
Because we had already seen it happen.
Over and over again.

Because I wrote down even tiny things, I am able to go back and remember them; things I might have forgotten had I not recorded them.

#3,260- Aloxi and Benadryl and Zantac
#3,976- sad movies that led to hard discussions that we needed to have

Through all of it, the good, the bad and the hard.
We saw it over and over again.
His grace displayed in big and small ways.

#4,891- these long hard years ... You have held onto us.

Over the years since I started this list, I have seen Him make needed changes.
Changes in me and in my heart.
I have dealt with pride, perfectionism and my need for control.

He has shown me that He loves working with and in broken people.
It hasn't been easy.
Still isn't.

These are ongoing changes.
But it has been so good to face the areas that need to change in my life and experience His mercy towards me in the midst of them.

And today?
What am I going to write down today in this ongoing list of God's gifts?

Besides a very timely audio recording sent to me by my far away loves?

#5,623 This list.

I can't imagine going through the things we have faced without the grace I have seen by keeping this ongoing count of His abundant and never ending gifts to us.

To me.

This simple list ... a habit I hope to never stop.
Because His gifts to us never end.

________________________

Hebrews 12:28

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us hold onto grace.

(note: or let us give thanks, or let us have grace)

By it, we may serve God acceptably, with reverence and awe...

(Holman Christian Standard Bible)

________________________

So how do you get started?  Get a notebook.  (It doesn't have to be a pretty one. ) The real treasure you will find out is what you are writing inside this book.  A simple spiral notebook will do just fine.

Make it easily accessible.  I keep mine out on a table or near where I have my Quiet Time. This way if something comes up during the day, I can jot it down before I forget it.

Be spontaneous with it.  Write it whenever you feel a nudge to do so, even if you feel it is silly at the time. Trust me, those things have been some of the most delightful to me when I read the list now.

Be honest with it.  Sometimes, especially if I am hurting, I take mine and just go sit outside - anywhere that I can be alone and share honestly what is on my heart.  Some of my journals contain those painful moments where I pour my heart out to God even on paper with ink; with tears.  And then just wait somewhere. Wait on God to show me something.  He always has. Sometimes it is a promise He brings to mind, or sometimes it's just the majesty of a sunset.

Be creative with it.  It is YOUR journal.  Let your own creative gifts determine how you fill it.  I have drawn pictures, glued little flower gifts from grandchildren, tickets to the zoo, and traced their handprints in mine.

There is no wrong way to do this, so get started!  You'll be oh so glad that you did...

________________________

The Hard of Waiting

The time was right…

I had read this blog post years ago, and something about it resonated with me.  I remembered it.

(Truth is, there are often things that resonate with me in this woman’s writing.)

We were in a store when we noticed  the tulip bulbs and remembered the post. 

My husband knew as well as I did, that it was time… for us both.

We chose a box of bulbs.  

One box filled with beautiful shades of pinks and oranges…

a promise of new life.

Even though the promise was wrapped in something that looked kind of dead 

and very unpromising.

On a dark and dreary, cold November day after Thanksgiving was over, 

we took those bulbs outside and dug some deep holes in the ground, 

and buried them.

Because our hope is in the God who loves us more,  we remembered as we put the bulbs into the ground, that this hard we faced was something we did not control.  

That it had to be Him who brought life, or there was no hope.”

And because there is always hope, we can bury it.

whatever it is

And leave it in His hands.

We had no idea how He would move in the things that were on our hearts that morning.

But what we did know was that He would move.

Isn’t that what He is always doing?  

From ancient times no one has heard, no one has listened, no eye has seen any God
except You,
who acts on behalf of the one who waits for Him.
Isaiah 64:4 (HCSB)

Those tulips had great potential to grow and bloom. 

If they survived the dark.  

If those hungry squirrels did not get to them first. 

If there truly was life in them, 

Too many ifs can distract us from the promise.

So we walked away.

And waited.

Whatever happened with these dreams and our hopes, 

He was here with us. 

And in His presence all our hopes are met.

The hopes and dreams that were buried?

Our lives could go on without us ever realizing them as reality.

But we could not go a moment without His Presence.

And we had that.

Even when I go through the darkest valley, 
I fear no danger,
for You are with me
Psalm 23:4 (HCSB)

We waited for the bulbs to bloom

and looked forward to the spring.  

I wondered if maybe Easter we would see them appear.

It would have been a beautiful picture if that was how it happened.

But that was me again… 

trying to picture God moving and working in ways I planned.

In ways I directed or controlled.

In case you don’t know it yet, God doesn’t do that.  

He doesn't take direction from us.

And our tulips did not bloom at Easter. 

-and-

There were no tulips in Spring.

...

They bloomed before Spring.

They bloomed while it was still Winter. 

Before my expected time.

And at a time in our life where their appearance meant more than it ever would have meant had God waited until my idea of perfect timing.

This God of ours?

He moves in mysterious ways.  

In dark places where hope is not easily seen or achieved.

He is making things beautiful …

in His timing and for His purpose.

His dreams for us are so much better than ours could ever be!

So whatever it is that you are facing?  Whatever you are dealing with?

You will never put that situation in more trustworthy hands.

Leave everything to Him.

Even when the tulips don’t bloom…

Even when you bury your dreams and you do not see good in the situation.

When you see no reason for HOPE at all…

You can trust Him.

He is good.

And He loves you so very much!!

He loves you more.

For us? 

Those tulips were a reminder.

A reminder that even in our hopeless days... there is always still hope.

Because the God of Hope is moving in the stillness where we can’t see.

But sometimes He gives us a glimpse of what is waiting for us one day...

____________________________

The Rain Keeps Falling by Andrew Peterson

____________________________

Psalm 130:5-6
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.

On Beauty in Seasons

The writer of Ecclesiastes said,
He has made everything beautiful in its time 
(Eccl. 3:11 ESV)




We just spent the last couple of days together in the car on the road to see some glimpses of a small bit of that beauty.


Leaves in glorious fall colors displayed in all the grandeur that we have come to expect from years of looking at pictures.


We were not disappointed...those colors showed up and showed off!


Myriad hues of reds and oranges, yellows and greens and browns - all that you could possibly dream!

A stunning display set in a garden near the foothills of the Appalachian mountains.


Just beautiful.


But this dazzling scenery is only there for us for a brief period.

Soon this beauty will be replaced with bare branches.

Winter brings a new and different backdrop.

The black silhouettes of empty branches will soon stand out against a brilliant snow covered background

... and we will be provided a new look in that new season.


And then spring will come... and summer.

Each season brings its unique kind of beauty.


This is true whether in seasons of nature or during seasons of life.

There is always some beauty all around us.

And like the foliage of this season, the beauty does not last long.

If you don't open your eyes to see it, you can miss it.


Look at that little one near you and you will know exactly what I mean.


Too often we can be blinded by the hard or the ugly in our seasons and miss the gloriousness in the moment.

Because honestly, there is hard to be found in this life. And hard does demand our attention.

Seasons of pain and suffering, disease or loss are hard!

Sometimes, just getting up and going through your day can be hard.

Talk to young moms in their often overwhelming tasks of keeping up with all that is involved in preparing little lives for future years.

They will tell you that they also know something else.

They know that the hard days are not all there is to this season.

There are also times of beautiful in the little voices learning to say I love you, and Mommy.  The little dimples on the backs of little fingers, and at the edges of little smiles. The snuggles and kisses. The twinkling eyes and the first songs sung... with so much emotion it takes your breath away!

They just open their mouth ... and let it go :)



The springtime of life does not hold the ticket to hard.

There  is also hard on the autumn side of life too.

The turning loose of hopes and dreams side of life.

The saying our goodbyes side as our little ones leave home.

The realization that winter is just around the corner side.



Spring's beauty is wrapped up in new growth but Autumn's is signalling an end.

I read some about autumn leaves to find out what is behind these gorgeous colors this time of year.

While the green is a result of chlorophyll in the leaves, as the tree prepares to shed its leaves, the supply of chlorophyll is slowly shut down.

And the colors of the leaves that we see in the fall begin to appear.

 As sad as it is to think the trees are preparing to lose their leaves for the winter months, God has created them to do it magnificently.

Every stage of their life is a beautiful display of His glory...

We are also created to give Him glory.  In every stage of our hard and beautiful life!

Fall can be a reminder for us to focus our attention in that direction.
To open our eyes to see His glory.
To live each day for His glory.

While it is easy to be sad as we watch days go by faster and faster,  we do have today.

And today there is beauty for us to enjoy.

For He has made everything beautiful in its time...

In whatever season He has placed us, we need to be looking for ways that His glory can be displayed in our lives.

By our actions as well as our words.

Because He makes it all beautiful in its time... and this is our time, where we are right now.

Where ever that might be.

-----------------------------

The pictures I used for this blog were taken by me in a garden in Georgia called "Gibbs Garden"
 You can read about it here:   http://www.gibbsgardens.com/
It is even more gorgeous than my pictures can show!

Thanks Teresa Thomas for posting your pictures and whetting our appetities :)
It was a journey we will not forget.